Conversations You Will Never Hear From Ordinary People

Constituent #1: Did anyone watch BackStory last night?

Me: I think she did.

Constituent #2: Yes, I did. We all did, actually, and I loved the grasshopper taste test.

Me: Really? I dare you to try out that scorpion/snake juice.

Constituent #2: What? No.

Constituent #1: I would try it.

Me: I'm not going to.

Constituent #2: And you dared me to? C'mon, Dez, a snake/scorpion drink mix? Where can we find that in the US?

Me: It's not in the US. Seems to me like Laos is creepier than I thought, but I digress.

Constituent #1: You said it to every country you can think of. Indonesia's creepy. India's creepy. Malaysia's creepy. Iraq...

Me: Shut up, bonehead. I'm trying to look at Tru TV's schedule for today.

Constituent #2: Oh, look at that. 6 hours of Forensic Files, 3 hours of Speeders, one hour of World's Dumbest, an hour of police chases, 2 hours of Forensic Files...

Me: Alright. First off, I only watch Speeders on Thursdays, and I love World's Dumbest, okay, because it is so funny to watch.

Constituent #1: Yeah, especially after seeing almost every episode of the show. It's like that one guy here that tried to rob a convienient store with a palm frong.

Constituent #2: (holding a palm frong on her head) 50 dollar! Gimme 50 dollar!

Me: It's 50 dollars. Plural.

Constituent #2: Yeah, I knew that.

Constituent #1: Actually, it's Drivers 9.

Me: And you know what that means... Helio is back.

Constituent #2: Helio? Isn't that a Virgin Mobile phone?

Me: Yes. And a phone doesn't comment on people driving, kay?

Constituent #1: Is that the one that has the "Valiant and Doofus" segment?

Me: I thought that was on Criminals 12. I was waiting for that, and instead, I got the "what happens next" segment. Which is really cool.

Constituent #2: I'm afraid we'll have to rename it from Saturday's rant to Commentary for the rest of us.

Me: I'm not even typing today's rant yet, but I guess this will take place.

Constituent #1: Commentary for the rest of us? I propose a weeklong "WTF" series.

Me: Man, both of you are high on sugar this morning.

Constituent #2: What? I haven't got my soda yet.

Me: And I'm okay without it.

Constituent #1: No, let's name this one "Conversations you will never hear from ordinary people"

Me: Hello?

Constituent #2: Dez, I think you lost.

Me: Lost what? I'm still not drinking that scorpion/snake juice stuff.

Constituent #1: Alright, let's get out of here before people say something.